Thursday, March 27, 2014

Fat Bitches Wearing Yoga Pants





So let's talk about the epidemic sweeping the nation: fat chicks wearing yoga pants at the gym and waddling around town like a penguin. These girls know they are fat but pretend that they don't have cottage cheese trying to seep out of the seems of that spandex that is barely holding and defying all the laws of man and nature. They are a slap in the face, a visual betrayal. They are the kind of chicks that spend 10 minutes on the elliptical, do some 5 lb curls and then cry away their feelings over ice cream when they get home because "they earned it."

They subject me to their nastiness every time I go to the gym. Sure, I'm fat and disgusting but I don't dress in all spandex and prance around like a fat Peter Pan while doing squat thrusts. The worst part is, you cannot avoid looking at these chicks. A guy's mind is immediately forced to look at a girl's ass as she walks by before it even realizes the unholy site that it's about to witness. It's a fuckin trap, god damned mind terrorism. And I won't stand for it. They need to realize they're only option is sweatpants and an eating disorder.

Last, the smell. Walk by one of these chicks and make the unfortunate mistake of getting a wiff of the pungent aroma that spandex, a poor diet, not wiping properly (definitely not using flushable wipes) and low self-esteem creates. It'll make you throw up your lunch, which is exactly what these fatties should be doing. So next time you see one of these girls, ask them if they escaped from the zoo and maybe they will never show their face in public again. 

P.S. 
Fat chicks need love to, but they gotta pay 

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