Shitting on the Fifth Floor: Power Move or No No

For those of you who don't know, I am a cube monkey. Those of you who don't know what a cube monkey is, let me enlighten you: I sit in a cubicle, take orders from a supervisor, feel like life is passing me by, and take shits on company time.

As a man there are two things I do on a daily basis without hesitation: eat and poop. The latter is great to do while at work. You can browse the internet, bang out a couple levels of Candy Crush, or get an ab workout in when you are fighting one of those pesky poos that just won't let go. When it comes to shitting at work, and in general for that matter, I am a creature of habit. I use the same bathroom, same stall, I mix it up on the amount of toilet paper because you need just a little spice in your life. My diet prohibits the luxury of a scentless bowel movement, so I'm forced to assess the workplace before I set up shop and pick out my go to shit spot.

Lots of guys at work use a bathroom on the fourth floor they call "Turd Floor". Real cute. Not me, I scoured the joint looking for the best locations. That way I can take my sweet time, go spread eagle on the porcelain throne and walk out a confident man. None of this sneaking in and out, double takes to make sure the office smoke isn't walking by and if they are forcing an awkward exchange and explaining that you were just checking the specs on the endline for the rotary girder.

Lately I've realized a coworker using our bathroom to do his dirty work. I know exactly who it is cause I see him walk in and the guy is 4 foot munchkin, his feet dangle from the toilet after he pole vaults on to it, so you know who it is. After he is done with his post lunch food baby miscarriage, this smug bastard waltzes out with a shit eating grin, grabs his belt to readjust his pants lets out a big sigh and announces he's headed back to work on the fourth floor.

Should I take that as a threat? Is he challenging my manhood? Is my next move to shit on his car? I love my go to shit spot, but this guy just putting it in my face. I won't back down, can't back down. Can't back down, won't back down. Keep your game tight Fourth Floor, I'm coming for you.

PS

East West, East West.