Surprise, surprise I have the diet of Vietnamese POW just eating straight beans and corn because I am a poor person (ya it hurts to admit since I hate poor people). With that comes some nasty ass shits. The kind where it's so messy you pretty much want to take a shower right after and restart your day. And my god, the smell. They could bottle it and torture even the filthiest Mexicans with that stench.
So when I begin the wiping process two things go through my mind. 1) How much fuckin toilet paper is this abortion going to take to clean up and 2) hope it's not so messy I get some on my hand. So even after I wipe and wipe like it's a god damned sharpie down there it still feels like I haven't gotten all of it. So in comes the savior: flushable wipes. These things are the greatest invention known to man. You think you have finished the job with toilet paper? Take one good wipe with a flushable down there and holy hell you will see a nasty mess staring you back in the face. When you're done it feels like you just took a shower and are ready to get back to sitting on your ass crushing Chinese food.
All I can think of people that don't flushable wipes is that they are most definitely walking around with poop hanging off their ass like it's not even a thing. They must just ignore the stench that clings to them like the nasty bread smell after you leave Subway. Not exactly my scene. I prefer a clean asshole. Don't even mind the idea of bleaching it if I even knew how to begin that process (no I amazingly don't have a asshole bleaching guy). So next time you're walking around with some serious swamp ass and you already took a shit and wiped until it came back bloody, turn to your new best friend, the flushable wipe.
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