Whites Gonna White in the STL

DeadSpin - The following is not permitted under our dress code after 9pm: sleeveless shirts on men, profanity on clothing, exposed undergarments on men, sweat pants, full sweat suits, excessively long shirts (when standing upright with arms at your side, the bottom of your shirt can not extend below the tip of your fingers), jerseys (sleeved jerseys are permitted in conjunction with a cardinals game or any other major St. Louis sporting event), athletic shorts and excessively sagging pants or shorts bandanas.

The St. Louis Cardinals are swinging some big dick this season, opening up some churched up version of Dave and Buster's they call Ballpark Village. It has a glass-sliding roof, a Budweiser bar, restaurants and a roof deck where patrons can watch the game, basically everything obese Americans want. I know my fat ass would be posted up sluggin a few brews and gorging myself on $20 hot wings that I would gladly pay for twice.

They spent $100 million on this pile of sticks and decide to enforce a dress code policy from rural Mississippi. No sleeveless shirts, a key baseball demographic, rednecks, are out. Profanity on clothing, exposed undergarments on men, sweatpants, full sweat suits, excessively long shorts, jerseys, and excessively sagging pants or shorts bandanas? Well there goes the neighborhood cause none of the brothers are allowed to set foot within 10 miles of this place. Better open up a window, it’s getting all racial up in the STL.

I get what they are trying to do. But if you are going to say it, act like you have a pair and just say it: No Coloreds Allowed. I’m not that sensitive, just tell me upfront that I need to look presentable. That way I’ll at least iron a shirt and dress like I’m headed to the yacht club to discuss global domination and world economics over a stogie and cognac. Otherwise I might show up looking like Joe Dirt clad with a full fledged mullet, Def Leppard shirt, acid wash jeans and combat boots.

P.S.

Whites gonna white.